Busyness: The Badge of Dishonor
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A Dreaded 4-Letter Word
I don’t know about you, but one of the most common phrases I utter in a day is, “How are you?”
Whether it’s a phone call with a colleague, an intro on a Teams meeting, or just a daily text message, that question comes out of my mouth (or fingers) at least a dozen times a day. It’s not just a courtesy or a casual conversation intro; I truly care how people respond to that question. I believe most of us do.
But over the last few years, I’ve noticed a shift in how people respond. The typical “Doing well,” “Great,” and even “Hanging in there” responses have declined and are being replaced by something new…a dreaded 4-letter word. Can you guess it?
Yep, it’s “BUSY”.
A Nerd Can’t Help But Be A Nerd
So being a nerd, recently I decided I’d run a little experiment with the question at hand by taking note of how a diverse range of people I encounter respond to that question. Though it’s just one person’s experience – not my normal scientific research schtick – the results have been pretty remarkable…
The response is “busy” well over 50% of the time. Again, it’s not scientific, but I’ll ballpark it around 70% of the time.
“How are you?”
“Busy.”
Often not even, “I’m busy.” Just one word: “BUSY.”
Notice how no one ever says they are over here twiddling their thumbs trying to figure out what to do next?
How about “bored”? Has any adult ever answered the “How are you?” question with “Actually, I’m really bored.”
Oh, to think! That would be absolutely ridiculous! (said sarcastically)
Turns out I wasn’t the only one who thought a little experiment like this would be fun. Check out this Harvard Business Review article by Adam Waytz titled Beware a Culture of Busyness, which references a much more scientific endeavor by Nora Rosendahl, who found this response 80% of the time. The article also contains some great practical suggestions to combat busyness.
The Power of Your Words
Isn’t it interesting?
Take a minute to reflect on your own conversations. Do you hear it, too? Do you say it yourself? I catch myself falling into the trap.
“Trap?” You might say. Yep. Trap.
You see, our words have power. I’m not saying you must stand in front of the mirror each morning reciting affirmations (unless it works for you, then keep at it!). But I am saying there are positive benefits to affirmations that help us manifest what we say into existence.
Remember the famous quote attributed to Henry Ford saying, “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t, you’re right”?
The words that come out of our mouths are just a reflection of what is in our hearts and, thus, minds. Words either reinforce negative thoughts/beliefs or positive ones.
The good news is, it’s our choice.
Solomon wrote in Proverbs 18:21, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”
What’s he saying here? He is saying that each of us has the ability to choose whether we will speak words of life or death in our lives and in the lives of others.
What we think about – and thus, what spills out of our mouths – grows. It’s the simple Law of Attraction.
Spoiler Alert: The Research Says…
All this got me wondering (hello – importance of Thought Trials) what has shifted in our lives and culture causing this busyness – or dare I say, the perception of busyness?
I did a quick AI query on “What causes busyness?” and these are the top responses I received:
- Cultural and social expectations. (No doubt)
- Work demands. (Yup, we’ve all been there)
- Technology and connectivity. (Funny, we say we’re busy, but somehow find an average of about 2.5 hours per day to scroll socials per Statista).
- Personal ambitions and goals. (I get that…go, Go, GO!)
- Avoidance of negative emotions. (Ouch! That one hurts)
- Economic necessity. (No joke. Somebody’s gotta pay for the gallon of milk my pre-teen son drinks every other day. It’s getting ridiculous!)
In studies conducted by Bellezza, Paharia, and Keinan referenced in their 2016 Harvard Business Review article titled Research: Why Americans are so Impressed by Busyness the authors write:
“What has changed so dramatically in one century? We think that the shift from leisure-as-status to busyness-as-status may be linked to the development of knowledge-intensive economies. In such economies, individuals who possess the human capital characteristics that employers or clients value (e.g., competence and ambition) are expected to be in high demand and short supply on the job market. Thus, by telling others that we are busy and working all the time, we are implicitly suggesting that we are sought after, which enhances our perceived status.”
My very layman’s translation is: We feel important when we think, act like, and tell others we’re busy. (Spoiler alert: we’re not.)
Like Everything, It Ain’t Free!
Not all perceived busyness is bad.
But all this busyness actually comes at a cost.
As the article by Bellezza, Paharia, and Keinan notes:
“Even if the signaling power of busyness and lack of leisure is on the rise, the undesirable physiological consequences of an overworked lifestyle are well known (e.g., the long-term negative impact on happiness, wellbeing, and health).”
Afterall, time is often viewed as our most precious commodity. And busyness – real or perceived – is an exchange of that limited resource for diversely varying and aggressively vying priorities and attention.
Getting to the Point (because I know you’re busy 😊)
What does all this have to do with the word “BUSY”?
Well, it’s simple. Even by responding to the everyday question of “How are you?” with “Busy,” we are manifesting that outcome in our lives.
Make no mistake: BUSY is not a badge of honor.
You don’t go through school to learn that skill. No one’s sewing the patch of “busyness” on your merit vest. BUSY is not and should not be the nest you perch in. It’s not an identity, and it surely shouldn’t be a source of pride. BUSY does not equate to WORTHY. And BUSY is most definitely not a competition.
You may have glossed over it, so here it is again: BUSY DOES NOT EQUATE TO WORTHY.
Rather, even in its simplest form as a quick reply to a common question, BUSY is a deceptive little creature that shapes your thoughts and gets manifested in your life through your words, oftentimes without you even realizing it. You must catch it and put it in its place – which should be completely out of your vernacular! Do not let the allure of this fictional badge of honor suck you in.
- Am I saying that you aren’t busy? No, I’m not.
- Am I saying that working hard and worthwhile toil is bad? Not a chance. Hard work is honorable.
- Am I saying that no one else cares how busy you are? Well, yes, kind of.
- Am I saying not to let the ethos of being “busy” set up a camp in your life and come out of your mouth? 100%
19th Hole with Stoll
Now that we’ve had a lesson in the ugly truth behind the façade of busyness, I’d like to share some practical ways* to avoid falling into the trap.
- Stop thinking and telling others how busy you are. This simple step is an absolute game-changer because it sparks awareness to take a thought and reprogram it.
- Develop your own personal and family priorities. What are you aiming at? Not everything gets you there.
- Schedule first what matters most. Because (as someone smarter than me said) if you don’t control your calendar, it will control you.
- Embrace selective mediocrity. News flash: Perfection doesn’t exist. And sometimes, it’s okay to have some dishes in the sink or a lawn that needs to be mowed.
- Say “no”. It is a complete sentence. And it’s liberating. (See above re: “Worthiness”)
- If it’s a “yes,” identify what you are going to give up in its place.
- Picture yourself in your rocking chair when you’re 80 years old…what will you say about how you spent your time today?
Evoke a thought.
Interested in learning more on this topic?
Here are additional resources to check out:
- *Several of the practical tips are adapted from my dear friend Matt McGee’s fantastic book The View from the Rocking Chair, which is totally worth the buy and read!
- Here is a Harvard Business Review article by Brigid Schulte titled Preventing busyness from becoming burnout that discusses research and tactics related to busyness.
- Link to one of Bellezza, Paharia, and Keinan’s academic articles discussing research related to “Busyness as a status symbol”. (Access or purchase required)
- Newsweek article 19 Simple Strategies for Finding Calm in the Storm of ‘Busyness’ (Isn’t it ironic they put quotes on the word “busyness” in the article title?!)
Header Image: OpenAI. (2024). ChatGPT [Large language model]. https://chatgpt.com
View from the Rocking Chair Image: OpenAI. (2024). ChatGPT [Large language model]. https://chatgpt.com
